Mr Congeniality
by ChaosOfTheUniverce
Summary: Ever wanted to see Gwendel in a swimsuit contest? Konrart in spandex? Wolfram learn to tapdance? Then this is your story!


Hi guys! I just saw miss congeniality for the first time, and this plot bunny came along and wouldn't go away. If you like this story and think I should continue, please review!

Konrart was a strong believer in knocking on doors before opening them. After all, there were often things hidden behind doors that no one should ever have to know about.

This particular habit of Konrart's dated back the his young, innocent 60's. He had entered Gwendel's study without knocking, and discovered his brother and Gunter in a...disadvanted position. After several years of massive therapy, Konrart had, needless to say, made it a point to always knock on a door before he opened it.

So when he came racing into Gwendel's study without knocking, Gwendel decided to refrain from locking his brother in the dungeon as punishment for his bad manners, and instead, listen to what Konrart had to report.

Once Konrart had gotten his breath back, he gasped out his news to Gwendel, who blanched, and rang the emergency bell.

This was going to be ugly.

Gwendel cleared his throat, and dispensed with the usual polite preliminary greetings typical to demon council meetings.

"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!"

Yuuri, Wolfram, Konrart Gunter, Anissina, Yozak, and Murata immediately complied. Without their constant chatter, Gwendel's study seemed sinisterly quiet.

"Now I suppose you're all wondering why I've summoned you all here," Gwendel proceeded, exchanging nervous glances with Konrart. "Lord Weller has come upon a very troubling piece of information. Lady Celi, as I'm sure that you all know, has ceased her journey in the pursuit of free love. What you may not know is that she has instead decided to begin a beauty pageant, competition, training thing. She has invited the most beautiful girls from every town in the country to take part in this competition.

"Yozak, who was doing a bit of drag-queen-spy-undercover work at Shtoffell's castle, overheard two of Shtoffell's favorite soldiers talking about how Lord Shtoffell has gotten wind of this pageant, ball, dressy thing, and has decided to sabotage it. Yozak immediately relayed this information to Konrart , who was the one who brought news of this impending crisis to me. No one knows for certain how this sabotage will be done. I can tell you this much, however: there will be casualties!" Gwendel finished dramatically, banging his hands on the table.

Nobody seemed particularly concerned.

Yozak was braiding his hair, while Wolfram clipped his nails. Gunter was staring dreamily at Yuuri, who was busy giving the Great Sage a sharpie tattoo of a frog on his hand. Anissina was asleep.

Murata giggled, presumably because the marker tickled. "What's the big deal, Gwennie? Who would Shtoffell WANT to sabotage a beauty pageant? I mean, come on! What could he possibly gain?"

Gwendel's eye twitched.

"Don't you ever, EVER all me Gwennie again, Murata. Don't you even THINK it, or I will be forced to lock you up in the slimiest dungeon we have, and allow you to be nibbled to death by my pet ducks."

Wolfram smirked slightly.

"How very typical of you,_ Gwennie_. Even when you're mad as hell, you still find a way to involve cute, cuddly little animals in your torture methods. I remember when I shrunk your favorite angora sweater. What did you threaten me with, again? I think you said you'd tie me to my bed and let your bunny rabbits jump on my stomach until all of my ribs broke."

"you little brat!" Gwendel roared, looking quite put out. " That was my most treasured sweater! The first I ever knitted, too. My pride and joy! The yarn was so fluffy and pink..." His lower lip quivered ominously.

"Break it up, idiots," Yozak said hurriedly, tying off one of his braids as he eyed Gwendel's traumatized expression and watering eyes with obvious trepidation. "Since Gwennie...er, Gwendel is so obviously concerned that the pageant ladies are in danger, why don't we just send someone in undercover?"

"Excellent idea, Yozak!" Konrart beamed, sounding decidedly pleased with the idea.

"Since you're so keen on the idea, Konrart darling, why don't YOU go?" Yozak smirked, looking slightly malicious, his eyes dancing. "And Gwennie, since you were so concerned, why don't you got too? That way you can supervise, and make sure that your brother isn't having too much fun wearing dresses. And Wolfram, since you already look so girly, you're definitely in. It'd simply be a waste if you didn't go."

"Brilliant!" the Great Sage chimed in, smiling wickedly. "I'm in! Yozak and I'll teach you lot to walk, talk, eat, sit, stand, and even dress like women. Like princesses, even! Hehe, this is gonna be a BLAST!"

"It's fine with me," said Yuuri cheerfully as he added orange freckles onto the sharpie frog's nose. "Just nothing drag queen, ok Yozak? They need to be accepted as women, not disturbed guys wearing dresses. No offence."

"None taken." Yozak grinned smugly, no doubt cooking up all kinds of fiendishly tacky, decidedly feminine outfits to squash the three don't-look-alike demon brothers into. "You boys don't object to sequins, do you? Or spandex- oh, Konrart, you'd look absolutely divine in a blue spandex shirt with a black spandex micro-mini skirt, and big, big rhinestone earrings!"

"Help! No, no, this really isn't...I-I couldn't...Yuuri, Yuuri HELP! Make it stop! DO something!" Konrart's face had gone a sort of purply-grayishness, reminiscent of four-day-old oatmeal.

"Don't be ridiculous, Konrart," Yuuri said calmly, ignoring the groveling man in front of him as he gave purple whiskers to Murata's frog. "I'm sure you'll manage perfectly well."

Wolfram's complexion had been heating up for the past several minutes. Now, it was rivaling, if not surpassing, that of a tomato, and certainly would have given a beetroot a run for it's money.

"I AM NOT FEMININE!" the decidedly angelic and feminine blonde howled. Throwing himself on the ground, Wolfram copied Konrart and wrapped his arms around one of Yuuri's ankles. "Darling, adored, perfect fiancé, please, please, PLEASE don't make me do it!"

"There's a double meaning there," Murata mumbled to Yozak.

Since Yuuri only had two ankles, Gwendel made his bid for freedom by seizing Yuuri's hand (not the one that was adding a tutu and ballet slippers to the frog) and plying it with kisses. "Please!" the poor man gasped desperately. "Free us from this dreadful assignment! Don't torture us! We all know you love us!"

"Oh, you three are something else," Yuuri said affectionately, smiling pleasantly at his three favorite soldiers as they groveled and pleaded, wormlike, at his feet. "Almost as bad as toddlers, you lot are. I'm sure that you'll have absolutely no difficulties outwitting Shtoffell. Yozak, since Anissina's still asleep, will you carry her outside and drop her in the fountain? Thank you. Oh, and Gunter: please stop staring at me."

With those rivetingly witty parting words, the Maou cheerfully wrenched his various limbs out of the hands of his warriors, and departed, Gunter, Murata, and Yozak with Anissina in his arms trailing in his wake.

A loud splash, a louder shriek, and a lot of cursing later, Yozak reentered Gwendel's study, looking wet but happy. Smirking, he saw the royal brothers still stretched out under the table, looking like mice in a snake pit.

Phase one: accomplished. Launching phase two.

"So, boys," Yozak began casually, leaning forward to help the brothers to their feet. "Welcome to the lovely world of the bold cross-dressers. I was thinking we could start with ear piercing, today."

"Ear piercing?" the three brothers echoed fearfully.

"Yeah," Yozak smirked, holding up an enormous, pointy needle. "I've heard it's the latest in Paris."

The three brothers fainted that the same time, hitting the floor within seconds of each other.

Yozak pocketed the needle and did a quick victory shimmy, looking criminally gleeful.

Who said this wouldn't be fun?


End file.
